The dictionary defines resilient as “marked by the ability to recover readily, as from misfortune”. The thesaurus offers the word “adaptable” as a synonym. Or a more common way to phrase it, resiliency indicates an ability to “roll with the punches”. Resilient children are hopeful and possess high self worth. They feel special and appreciated. They are aware of their weaknesses, but are able to seek out help in areas in which they do not excel. They problem solve, face challenges, and set goals. As parents there are ways we can help our teens on their road to resiliency.
Be empathetic. As adults with challenges of our own, it can be easy to make light of the stresses of the teenage years. Be sure to give your teen your full attention if they open up to you about what is bothering them and don’t dismiss their problems as being minor.
Communicate effectively and listen actively. Look for times to talk with your teen. The car can be ideal for many teen as they don’t have to look at you face to face and there are few distractions. Help your teen to learn how to ask for what they need and explain why without you turning it into a power struggle. Listen and don’t interrupt. Accept your teens for who they are. Remind them that you love them for the unique people they are, not simply for what they do or don't do.
Help your teens experience success by identifying and reinforcing areas of competence. Everybody has areas of interest and skill, but it may take time to discover, nurture, and develop what they are. The mastery of an interest/skill brings a sense of accomplishment which once experienced, will make your teen want to seek that feeling over and over. Success begets success.
Help your teens recognize that mistakes are experiences from which to learn. Don’t be a “helicopter” parent hovering and protecting them from all you view as unsafe. Instead let them make their own mistakes (as long as they are not truly safety issues) Talk through their mistakes, help them to determine what went wrong, and how to proceed differently the next time.
Develop responsibility, compassion and a social conscience by providing teens with opportunities to volunteer. Teenagers need opportunities to make a positive difference in their world. Foster their social conscience as well as help them to get outside of their own needs by involving them in charitable work, such as a walk for cancer awareness or food drives.
Teach problem solving and decision making. As they get older, teens want to make more of their own decisions. Resilient teens are able to describe their problems, consider different solutions and learn from the outcomes.
Discipline in a way that promotes self-discipline and self-worth. This means being consistent, but not rigid; knowing your teen’s capabilities and not pushing them for unrealistic expectations, relying when possible on natural, logical consequences rather than arbitrary, punitive measures. Lastly remember that positive feedback and encouragement are often the most powerful form of discipline.
Do you feel like you could use some extra help with your teen? Sometimes it can be so difficult to know the best way to communicate to this person who used to hold your hand, but now wants to hold the car keys. Or maybe you are struggling with the difficult areas of drug or alcohol abuse. Perhaps you need some guidance on dating. Let askdrshook help with the OMGosh Teens Specialty track.
